How Non-Attachment Can Help You Navigate The Holidays

Yoga, Help! It’s the Holidays!

Ohhhh the holidays! ‘Tis the season that runs the gamut of human experience. Whether you celebrate at this specific time of the year or at other times, yoga can help us find a little bit of peace and stability despite the influences swirling around us.

Like me, you might have a hard time not getting caught up in family traditions and dynamics, expectations (why am I making this exhausting recipe again this year??), and consumerism. The temptation is REAL, and we almost all live in a world where we’re touched by at least one of the aspects listed above.

Truly, turning to yoga at this time, to remind ourselves of the calm, the still, the centre within ourselves that is not influenced by anything around us, is imperative.

Easier said than done. And who has time to make it to a yoga class right now anyways???

So, I’d like to explore with you one yogic concept that has helped me immensely over the past years, and especially during the madness of the holiday season:
 

Aparigraha, which translates from Sanskrit to non-attachment, non-grasping, and non-possessiveness.
 

As one of the yogic Yamas or observances, aparigraha encourages us to let go of our need to hold on to stuff - other people, emotional states, ways of being, and of course, physical objects. It’s about using what we need, in the moment, and letting go when the time is right. 

Many of us are fortunate to live in worlds where we physically have SO MUCH STUFF. Even the information we consume endlessly on our devices takes up excessive space in our lives. 

For the purpose of navigating this time of the year—of staying sane through the holidays, non-attachment as a concept and a practice can serve to help lighten the burdens that most of us carry. When we don’t attach ourselves to certain ideals—like wishing people in our lives behaved in a certain way, or expectations—hoping for that diamond ring under the tree, we make room to exist and experience the world as it is, without hurting ourselves, or at the least, without causing pain for others. 

The obvious connection piece with aparigraha is in letting go of the need for and to give physical gifts. Absolutely there are gifts that are just perfect, and enhance other peoples’ lives. But when our happiness hangs on whether or not we ‘find’ the perfect gift, or if someone behaves a certain way when we give a present, we know we’re running into attachment. We’re allowing ourselves to be controlled by these external circumstances. 

As Krisha states in the Bhagavad Gita, “Let your concern be with the action alone, and never with the fruits of action.” 

What about loneliness during the holidays? Isn’t that non-attachment? I mean, you don’t have anyone or anything around you right?

Actually, latching on to, and allowing ourselves to make sadness or the feeling of loneliness our identity is also a form of attachment. Needing to be busy, with others, or perpetually happy is neither realistic, nor healthy. Life throws us the full mixed bag of situations and emotions, and certainly at some times we can be less than thrilled with the one we’re experiencing. But needing to have life a certain way (especially when society sends us that message) causes more pain on top of perhaps an already unpleasant situation. Instead, can we breathe, be realistic about what the holidays are looking like for us this year, and sit with it, letting emotions move through us as the impermanent expressions they are. Know that many others are carrying the exact same experience, regardless of how alone we feel.

If for any reason - all are valid - simply sitting with loneliness or other intense feelings over the holidays is too much, don’t white knuckle or try to grin and bear it. Overwhelm is a reality that many of us face, and holding on to the idea that we don’t need help or can do it alone, is a form of attachment too! Instead, let go, practice aparigraha by allowing yourself to be supported. Reach out to your people and care providers!

The key with aparigraha is the living in the moment piece, letting life flow, and finding contentment in the present (no pun intended…). The yogic concept of contentment, known as santosha, I’ve explored in another blog post here. Read on if you’re inclined!

Now, non-attachment is a yogic observance that we could continue to explore in depth, but for the purpose of this brief blog post, I’d like to keep it simple and a little more practical. 
 

Five ways you can use aparigraha to smooth out the holiday experience:

Practicing aparigraha is very much about simplifying life so that we can immerse ourselves more fully with the present moment. When we’re less cluttered, let go of our cravings, and stop grasping at and trying to control everything, we can start to find joy right where we are. 

1. Slow down, and breathe. 

Easier said than done of course, but try to make it a priority for a little self time, for noticing the moment, particularly by slowing your breath. Grab your calendar and even schedule in time for yourself to take care of you. Do nothing! Nurture yourself or maybe try an online yoga class. 

2. If you’re giving gifts and are still on the hunt, try to find ones that embrace wellness for the receiver.

Experiential gifts are amazing! If it’s for someone you feel safe being around, you might give them the gift of your time. If it’s for someone who needs to take more space for themselves, perhaps a gift like a spa day, an online yoga subscription, or an offer for you to give them a massage or to babysit their children might help. Perhaps a simple letter of appreciation, rather than an empty token (that will ultimately fill the dumpster) might serve both of you and the environment better as well! Remember, if you’re giving ‘empty’ gifts, these gifts are actually taking up a parcel of the receiver’s time, brain space, and energy in the long run. 

3. Be careful of desires, and how they can lead to wanting more. 

Desires bind us and set us up for disappointment. Take a moment to sit back and notice what is consuming your thoughts and energy this season. Are you yearning for something, whether it’s a gift, a certain relationship, to host the best party, or even to have some time alone? How will you feel if you don’t get what you want? Life around us rolls on no matter what. Your personal suffering as a result of outside situations and the accumulation of stuff is entirely in your head. So sit, take a big breath, and try to loosen the grip of that craving just a little more. This is certainly a lesson I’m sharing with my young children, as I see them getting caught up in wanting more and more gifts—and a good reminder to myself too! 

4. Appreciate and cherish what you already have.

A lovely complement to letting go of desires, is to stop and remember what you DO have. Some people find a gratitude journal useful for this, others like to give thanks before a meal. I like to take a big breath and focus in on one aspect of my life that I am so thankful for whenever I can remember—it might be while driving, when practicing yoga, when I wake up in the morning (I have a sign above my bed saying ‘Thankful’ to remind me) or while spending time in nature. So STOP! What are you thankful for right now?

5. Practice ahimsa, non-violence, and peace when engaging with others.

Letting go of our expectations around how others behave is very useful when engaging with family or others we have a history with that can be triggering. If you need to, avoid situations and people who do not engage in non-violent communication. It’s not your job to change other people, nor should you hold on to that hope. Focus on yourself, on keeping your system regulated with self-care and healthy boundaries. It’s ok to say no to all the social events going on, or to leave early. As much as you can, try to let go of your idea of what others might think of you—remember, it’s rarely what they’re actually thinking—really these thoughts are just you suffering in your own head otherwise! By releasing attachment to these ideas, you’re being compassionate and kind to yourself too. 

So slow down, breathe, and let life just be. Sit and watch the season flowing around you. Engage when you want and can, and enjoy the multifaceted experiences the holidays have to offer by being present.

I wish you a sane holiday season. Let go and flex that aparigraha muscle!